The common and most popular belief amongst men is that Feminism is synonymous to misandry. This belief, however, is not a surprise as in some cases it indicates a refusal from men to surrender a system that has conferred them power – patriarchy. Ironically, some men do not realise that patriarchy is harmful towards men as well; this was evident in a men’s dialogue that The Centre for The Study Of Violence and Reconciliation (CSVR) and the Department of Social Development (DSD) hosted in Delft on the 19th of March, some men confessed to feeling unfulfilled and worth-less because of the rising pressure(s) from peers and failure to fulfil expectations that come with being a man.
Historically, the perception that feminism is rooted in misandry; dislike of, contempt for, or ingrained prejudice against men – was used to discredit and vilify feminism – however, I want to offer this argument a new set of eyes. The “feminist are men-haters” trope represents a façade of fear and misinformation. Men to this day are still grappling with concepts of gender, let alone equality. It is important that we understand that men are products of an old and powerful gendering system with sexist and misogynistic values enforced through stringent pedagogies and (cultural) practices that centre them as alpha human beings.
Therefore, it is no surprise that when men are presented with feminist ideologies and ideas of gender equality, there is often an instinctual refusal and resistance to share power and resources, because they think that feminism threatens their identity and position in society. This refusal also represents a genuine fear of changing societal norms – some men think that they will not have any value in society.
Similarly to some women who fear that feminism will disrupt and rid them from their positionality in domestic settings, as women and as wives. In other words, some men and women fear that feminism will collapse nuclear family dynamics and decay traditional values. These are all false representations of feminism – feminism actually cares about healthy, safe and thriving families. The truth is that the practice and politics of feminism are concerned about harmful gender roles, inequality and dismantling unfairly distributed power.
On the surface, it may come across as if some men want to hold on to their positions in society (some obviously do). However, this also indicates two things (1) a genuine lack of comprehension about the benefits of feminism in our society – for all genders, including men and (2) the harmful and violent nature of patriarchy towards men. Our responsibility as feminists is to find ways to highlight how feminism can also benefit men, without, of course, centring or vilifying men – the inclusion of men as pro-feminists and as allies to feminist movements possess remarkable benefits and outcomes. Men play a role in maintaining gender inequality. The inverse is also true; men (can) play a vital role in building a gender equal world. Such an inclusion could also easily demystify the existing paradoxical misconceptions of feminism.
Bell Hooks, in “Feminism is For Everybody: Passion Politics”, gently emphasizes that feminism centred around love and care, and that it is not anti-men, it is rather anti-sexist.
“Visionary feminism is a wise and loving politics. It is rooted in the love of male and female being, refusing to privilege one over the other. The soul of feminist politics is the commitment to ending patriarchal domination of women and men, girls and boys. Love cannot exist in any relationship that is based on domination and coercion. Males cannot love themselves in patriarchal culture if their very self-definition relies on submission to patriarchal rules. When men embrace feminist thinking and practice, which emphasizes the value of mutual growth and self-actualization in all relationships, their emotional well-being will be enhanced. A genuine feminist politics always brings us together from bondage to freedom, from lovelessness to loving” – Bell Hooks
Although men are themselves a product of a gendering system, the reality, however, is that men play a role in reproducing and sustaining gender inequalities – by their attitudes, behaviours, identities and relations. Holding men accountable for such is paramount; however, it should be done without vilifying men.
As mentioned earlier, patriarchy is harmful to men as well. This was indicated in a community men’s dialogue facilitated by (CSVR), a few men expressed that they feel frustrated by the ‘unattainable’ definitions of masculinity/manhood especially in a context like South Africa where there is rife unemployment – which makes it difficult to live up to the definition of being a provider. Further discussions from the dialogue indicated that men were being socialised into toxic forms of masculinity that promote violence and discourage men from emotional vulnerability. In such cases, men need to be reminded of the role and importance of feminism, that it is there to eradicate harmful gender practices/expectations, even for men and allow a safe space for them to engage on breaking stereotypical roles assigned to them.
Men need feminism; feminism frees men from narrow restrictive, unrealistic gender roles.